Ever heard the phrase, “We marry our parents?” While that statement isn’t entirely accurate, there’s some truth to the idea that we’re often attracted to what feels familiar. Without even realizing it, we may seek out partners who remind us of the relationships we experienced or witnessed early in life, and those experiences can shape what we expect from love and relationships.

To make matters more complex, as Queer Folx, many of us grew up without models or representations of relationships that looked like ours. So, in a lot of ways, we’re figuring it out as we go. And that’s true whether your relationship is monogamous, non-monogamous, polyamorous, or takes another form altogether.

At Affirmative Spaces, our approach to relationship therapy is grounded in attachment-based work, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT helps us understand how we attach to our partners and what happens when our emotional needs aren’t being met. Often, conflict isn’t really about the dishes, the unanswered text, sex, money, or whatever started the argument. Underneath it, there may be a need to feel heard, wanted, important, safe, or connected.

We try to signal those needs to our partner(s), but sometimes those signals get missed. And when they keep getting missed, we may turn up the volume or shut down altogether. That can look like arguing, yelling, jealousy, becoming clingy, seeking reassurance, giving the silent treatment, emotionally withdrawing, or falling into the same argument over and over again.

In relationship therapy, we slow those patterns down and figure out what’s actually happening underneath them. Together, we work to help each partner understand their own emotional needs, better recognize the needs of their partner(s), and find healthier ways of reaching for one another.

Our goal isn’t to tell you what your relationship should look like. It’s to help you build a relationship that feels healthier, safer, more connected, and more satisfying for the people in it.

Insurance & Relationship Therapy

Although Affirmative Spaces is in-network with several insurance plans for individual therapy, we do not bill insurance for relationship therapy. Most insurance companies require a medically necessary mental health diagnosis for one identified client in order to reimburse services. Because our work focuses on the relationship rather than treating one identified patient, relationship therapy is offered as a private-pay service.